THE BROKEN COUNSELLOR - Part 2 How we think about our pain matters.

Living with chronic pain doesn’t just take a toll on the body — it invades the mind, overwhelms it and then fatigues you. It reshapes how we see ourselves, how we move through the world, and how much capacity we believe we have left. And often, it convinces us that we’re broken beyond repair.

As a counsellor with chronic pain, I’ve lived both sides of the conversation. I know the theory. I’ve read the research. But I also know what it’s like when getting out of bed feels like climbing a mountain with your legs, back, neck and head screaming in pain at you to just stop and stay in bed because the simple task of getting up hurts so much.  The day in front of you just feels like such an overwhelming thought.

One thing that has become increasingly clear to me — both personally and professionally — is that how we think about our pain can profoundly shape what we’re capable of. And sometimes, changing how we think is the smallest yet most powerful shift we can make.

What Does It Mean to Accept Chronic Pain? (Without Giving Up)

Living with chronic pain changes everything — your body, your emotions, your relationships, your sense of self.

And somewhere along the way, someone will probably tell you that the key to coping is “acceptance.”

Therapists say it. Doctors say it. Mindfulness teachers repeat it. But when you’re the one actually living in pain, what does “acceptance” really mean?

Does it mean giving up on hope? Does it mean telling yourself this is as good as it gets?Does it mean trying to make friends with something that feels like it’s ruining your life?

Acceptance Doesn’t Mean You Approve of the Pain

Let’s be clear:

Acceptance isn’t the same as giving up. And it definitely doesn’t mean you’re okay with living in pain.

What it does mean is this: You stop fighting your pain in ways that drain you. You stop pouring energy into resisting what’s already here — and instead begin gently shifting how you relate to it.

That’s the difference between:

• Feeling pain

 and

• Feeling pain plus guilt, shame, frustration, fear, and self-blame

You can still hope. You can still try new treatments. But you don’t have to live in daily mental combat with your reality.

Why Acceptance Matters in Chronic Pain Management

In the world of chronic pain management, acceptance is often misunderstood.

You might hear:

• “You need to accept this.”

• “Just let go of the struggle.”

• “Make peace with your pain.”

It sounds nice… until you try doing it while your whole body hurts.

But here’s the truth: Acceptance is a skill — not a feeling. It’s something you practice over time, in tiny moments, not something you suddenly “achieve.”

And it actually increases your capacity to cope, because you’re no longer spending all your limited energy fighting what is.

What Acceptance of Chronic Pain Can Look Like

Acceptance isn’t dramatic. It’s quiet, subtle. It might look like:

• Letting yourself rest without feeling lazy

• Doing just one thing today instead of your entire to-do list

• Saying no without guilt — or saying yes and knowing your limits

• Speaking kindly to yourself on the hard days

It’s not about being cheerful or “zen.” It’s about being honest — this hurts, and I’m still worthy of care……and if I am being absolutely honest with you and to myself I have said a lot more than “this hurts”.....so much comes out when the frustration and fatigue seems endless.

Acceptance Is Not Friendship — Maybe It’s a Truce

You don’t have to befriend your pain. That’s asking too much…..why would you honestly choose to have a friend that constantly hurts you like that?

But maybe you can stop hating it just enough to breathe.

Acceptance is like a truce with reality. You’re not waving a white flag — you’re choosing not to waste energy on a battle you can’t win.

And in that space, you might find:

• More peace

• A little more freedom

• And the ability to live a little more fully, even inside the pain

Accepting that today is ok and tomorrow I will deal with whatever my chronic pain decides to serve me up tomorrow when it's relevant.  This is staying in my moment……and some of these I like to refer to as my “one leaf moments” but I will touch on these in a later post.

You Don’t Have to Arrive — You Just Begin

Acceptance isn’t a final destination. It’s not a one-time decision.

Some days you’ll feel okay. Other days you’ll want to throw the word “acceptance” out the window.

That’s okay.

You’re allowed to have a messy relationship with your pain — and with the idea of acceptance itself.

Just knowing that acceptance is something you can return to, over and over, is enough.

It’s those days when you say to yourself “I’ve got this” and then later that same day you find yourself saying “today I am really challenged and I don’t really have this”.  It’s constantly moving on you and completely unpredictable but predictable at the same time……that kind of messy relationship.

Final Thoughts on Accepting Pain Without Giving Up

If you’re wondering how to accept chronic pain without feeling like you're surrendering, start here:

• You don’t have to like your pain.

• You don’t have to stop hoping for better.

• You just stop tearing yourself apart over something that’s already hard enough.

This is what it means to accept your pain with compassion — not resignation.

You are not weak for struggling. You are not defeated for succumbing to a bad day.

You are navigating something incredibly hard, and you’re still here.

That’s not giving up. That’s strength. That’s courage.  That my friend is you and you are amazing!