The Broken Counsellor - Part 5 – Stop Fighting With Yourself

Living with chronic pain changes everything. It’s not just about the physical pain itself but about the way we think, feel, and relate to ourselves. For a long time, I fought with myself every single day. I fought against what my body could no longer do. I fought against the frustration of not being able to keep up. I fought against the idea that my life had shifted in a way I never asked for.

But here’s the truth I eventually learned: the more I fought myself, the worse I felt. The pain was there no matter what, but the emotional battle added another layer of suffering.

Why Do We Fight With Ourselves?

When life adjustments are forced upon us through injury, illness, or exhaustion, our instinct is often resistance. We don’t want to lose who we were before pain entered our lives. But that resistance quickly becomes a war we wage against ourselves.

Here are some of the reasons we fight:

1. Identity Loss Before pain, we may have been independent, strong, active, and capable. When our body changes, we grieve the person we once were. Accepting the “new version” of ourselves feels like a loss.

2. Cultural Pressure We live in a society that praises productivity, busyness, and “pushing through.” When we can’t keep up with those standards, it’s easy to label ourselves as lazy or failing — even though that isn’t true.

3. Internalised Expectations So many of us carry the “shoulds.” I should be able to mow the lawn. I should be able to clean the house. I should be able to keep working. When our body says no, our inner critic comes out swinging.

4. Fear of Permanence To stop fighting feels like giving up — as though accepting chronic pain means things will never improve. But in reality, acceptance is not surrender. It’s redirecting our energy away from self-criticism and toward living well with what is.

Facing the Truth

The day I finally faced my injury with honesty was the day I began to heal emotionally. I can’t undo what happened. I can’t rewrite the moment. It was, and always will be, a life adjustment. I might not like it, but it happened. And what I can control is how I live with it now.

I stopped beating myself up about housework, mowing, and all the little daily tasks I thought defined me. I am not lazy. I am not weak. I am simply living in a body that has limits. And those limits don’t erase my worth.

The Shift: No More Fighting Myself

When I stopped fighting with myself, something remarkable happened. I noticed that although some doors had closed, others quietly opened. I began discovering new things I could do — different routines, hobbies, and joys I would never have found if I kept clinging to the old version of my life.

That small shift in perspective was like planting a seed. It grew into self-compassion, and from there I could start to shape a new way of living. I still live with chronic pain, but I no longer carry the extra weight of self-blame. And that has made all the difference.

Be Kind to Yourself

There are plenty of battles to fight in this world, but fighting yourself should not be one of them. Be gentle with who you are today. Recognise that acceptance is not giving up — it’s allowing yourself to live fully, even in the presence of pain.

You deserve kindness. You deserve compassion. And it starts with the way you speak to yourself.

The Ripple Effect

When I stopped fighting with myself, something else unexpected happened. I began meeting people who carried stories that mirrored my own — living with chronic pain, exhaustion, or the weight of life adjustments they never asked for.

In connecting with them, I often heard the same words:

“You’re doing so well. I could never do what you do.”

But here’s the truth — they can. And so can you.

I don’t have any secret formula. What I do have is the choice I made: to stop fighting myself and to begin walking a new path with acceptance and self-compassion. When I share that choice with others, I see the light flicker in their eyes — the realisation that they, too, can take that step.

It’s humbling to know that my journey has become a source of inspiration, but it’s also a reminder that none of us are truly alone. Our stories connect us, and through them, we can find strength we didn’t know we had.